My cousin Karen commented on this article by Scary Mommy on Facebook. The title caught my attention and I just had to read it. Our daughter Eden is growing-up fast and many days I am not even sure who she is ~ hense the title of the post. She can go from happy and kind to monster daughter in a fraction of a second. She can be respectful and helpful or so snarky that I literally have to walk away. At any given moment, you can never be sure “who” you are going to encounter. These days, she does not bring out the best in me, but the worst part is that I can so see myself in her. We both have the same strong personality and I am determined to ride this out with her. It is certainly causing me to reflect on my parenting and think about what and how I am communicating with her. Despite the trials, we will survive this stage and our relationship will remain in tact!
The Scary Mommy post is absolutely hilarious. It talks about “The Multiple Personalities of a Tween Girl” and how parenting a tween is like parenting someone with multiple personality disorder and ranging in age from 3 to 40. The author goes through the 7 different personalities and it is really funny, probably more so because I can completely relate. I have never visited this site before, but love the disclaimer in the side bar. Too funny!
What’s Working for Us:
- Quality time seems to be my best weapon, although that can go “south” rather quickly as well
- The course that we are taking “Mothers and Daughters in Touch” has been excellent for opening up dialogue and helping us to both see things from the other’s perspective. I would highly recommend it.
- I find that seeking Eden out when she is alone in her room and just lying down with her for a chat, has really helped to keep communication open. When I try to open up communication during the hustle and bustle of the day, it often seems to backfire and one of her “alter egos” appears. However, when I approach her in the quiet of her room, she is often really open and receptive. I am often not there more than a few minutes, but long enough to keep the chat lines open and let her know that she is important.
- There are so many great books out there. Here are some of my favourites: Have a New Kid By Friday (Dr.Kevin Leman), Hold on to Your Kids (Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate), the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (there are specific books for children, spouse and teenagers – all excellent)
Hang in there, for this too shall pass!
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3 thoughts on “Tweenkle, Tweenkle Little Star… How I Wonder Who You Are”
Hi Cindy, Cousin Julie here 🙂 LOVE your blog… I can really relate to you and your posts! My husband Richard and I have a 14 year old daughter and 11 year old son, so I loved Karen’s recent post. Another great book, to add to your list is “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens” by Sean Covey. Absolutely fantastic!! My son is only 11, grade 6, but his teacher is reading it to his class. My daughter is currently reading it, and I’ve read it. It is already working wonders with our daughter to avert the “Alter Ego” hahaha. Anyway, good to read your blog! Sounds like life is great with you. Take care. Julie
Thanks for the comment and book suggestion. I think I still have an Indigo gift card to redeem, sounds like a great book.
I can identify very well. The mother forgot to mention another personality -GRUDGEHOLDER